Beware Kurgan's advice on Marraige

An Open Letter to Those Seeking Counsel from “Uncle Kurgan”

Dear Friends,

I’ve read with interest The Kurgan’s recent reflections on marriage, relationships, and his role as an “agony uncle” to young men navigating the challenges of modern life. His appeal is understandable: he speaks with conviction, grit, and the tone of a man who has lived through the rough terrain of our cultural collapse.

And yet, his commentary raises a serious question—one not about tactics or dating strategies, but about integrity. Not political correctness, not image management, but theological and moral coherence.

The Kurgan claims to be a Catholic of the most militant stripe, a defender of tradition, doctrine, and the sacred order established by God through His Church. But the details he openly shares about his personal life present a troubling contradiction to that claim.

He has been married three times. He openly admits to a period of sexual license. And he offers no indication—none—that his first two marriages were declared null by a competent ecclesiastical tribunal. Yet he continues to speak with the moral authority of a man rooted in fidelity to Catholic tradition.

This is not a question of judging someone’s past. Many faithful Catholics have had difficult, broken, even scandalous pasts. But what distinguishes the saint from the hypocrite is submission to the Church’s judgment. A man who truly loves the Bride of Christ does not bypass her courts or ignore her teachings, especially on something as sacred as the sacrament of matrimony.

To stand up as a public Catholic voice—especially as a guide for others—demands that one’s life conform, or at least seek to conform, to the order Christ established. That order includes canon law, sacramental discipline, and the authority of the Church to declare a bond valid or null. No one—no matter how battle-hardened, eloquent, or charismatic—is exempt from this.

It’s one thing to be a wounded man. It’s another to declare oneself a general while ignoring the chain of command.

So to those sincere young men who look to The Kurgan for advice: by all means, take what is wise, practical, and true. But do not mistake experience for authority, nor passion for fidelity. The true measure of a Catholic man is not how loudly he defends tradition, but how humbly he submits to it—even when it’s inconvenient, even when it wounds his pride, even when it costs him everything.

Sincerely,
A Fellow Catholic in the Trenches

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